A Great Hope.

To start off, let's answer the question on everyone's mind, "How's fundraising going?" It's coming along quite well, thanks for asking. Next Tuesday marks the first day of July, and if you refer to my timeline, my goal is to hit 70% by July...so, where am I now? So glad you asked. Today, June 26th, I am 70% funded!!!!!! (AHHHH!!!) So, now what? Well now I get to work towards another goal: 90% by August 1st and 100% by August 31st! My goal is to raise $1000/month for July and August in order to close the gap between my monthly budget and monthly contributions. PLEASE join me in prayer to reach this goal!!! And THEN I get to move to Costa Rica in September! Thank you all for helping me live out this beautiful adventure, it's been my dream for over 4 years now, and you're making it happen.

I was having a sweet conversation with a beautiful friend the other day, a friend who is also fundraising to go on international staff with Young Life (except she's heading to England instead of Costa Rica, only a tiny bit different). Anyway, it's always so good to talk to people going through similar phases of life, and we were able to just take some time to compare notes, share fundraising hardships and frustrations, and talk about how the Lord has been faithful, even through the rough spots. As we were talking, it really struck me how different our processes have been--it's as if they were specifically molded to our deepest needs, needs that we may not have even realized at the time. My friend's process has been quick--she started fundraising for England in May, and she's already 60% (which, in the fundraising world, is absolutely insane). I, on the other hand, have been raising money slowly but steadily since January, and I just recently hit 60% last week.

Of course, in all honesty, my first thought upon hearing about her speedy support raising was, "Well, great, I give up then. Clearly I'm just bad at this." But then I started thinking and reflecting on this past year, on what has resulted from losing my sister, on what my family has been through, and all the deep, dark places in which I have walked, seemingly alone: the deserts and valleys of doubt, fear, pain, and anger. Blaming God. Questioning Heaven. Doubting Christ. Contemplating, even at certain points wanting, death, just to escape the suffering. I hit many points where I was certain God did not exist. I cursed Him. I ran from Him, hid from Him. And suddenly, without even realizing it, I woke up in a bottomless hole, so far down that it seemed like light could not even penetrate the palpable darkness, and I didn't know how to get out of it. I couldn't get out of it on my own. And I didn't.

But, somehow, I got out, or at least I have been able to climb to the top and see the sunlight. And in the same way that I found myself at the bottom of the hole, I didn''t know how it happened; I just found myself there, looking up at the light. No idea how I got there. But, looking back now, I am able to recognize the key factor in my climbing out, and it's oddly simple. Time. I needed time. I needed time to feel, to suffer through the suffering. As my friend Hazel Grace Lancaster would say, "Pain demands to be felt." (Fault in Our Stars, anyone?). And reflecting on my fundraising process since January (actually, it goes back all the way to when I began my International Staff process almost 2 years ago now), it's as if God knew that I would need that time. After all, the God of the Bible is not a God who encourages us to avoid pain, to "switch it off" and pretend it's not there; instead He calls us into the pain (into our own and into others'), into the very core of it, into that broken, bleeding heart that beats to the drums of suffering. Pain demands to be felt.

Of course, in the moment, I didn't know I needed time, and I hit a lot of frustrating moments when I wanted the donations to come in more quickly. But my process has been specifically molded for me; there's truly no other explanation for why it's been so perfect for my needs. I needed time to learn to trust the Lord again, to get to know Him, to recognize His presence, to learn about the freedom that the Gospel gives, to ask hard questions, to doubt, to seek Him in my confusion and anger, and to have my self-made rules and presumptions about God and faith be broken. I needed time with my family, to heal alongside my parents and learn to rely on my community to carry me to the feet of Christ when I refused to go there willingly. I've been completely stripped of all that I thought I knew, and now it's being rebuilt, prayerfully on a stronger foundation than before.

And so, I guess what I learned by reflecting back on my International Process is that God cared. He cared about my heart and mind, about my emotional and physical health, about my doubts and fears and skepticism. He cared about me having time with my family, about the growth of the loving relationships that I have in my life. Since last August, I've felt so incredibly alone; I've felt abandoned by a God I thought I knew, a God that I thought I loved. I was full of so much anger and depression that I was sure my ailing body could not survive it. I simply couldn't see the light, and I definitely couldn't feel it. But as I spoke to my friend on the phone, I saw, for the very first time, God's fingerprints on my life over this past year. How He's been there. How He's loved. How He's cared for me by giving me time and space, by waiting patiently for me to release onto Him all of my anger and doubts and frustrations. He's been gracious with me, and has cared so much for my heart that He's forced me to be gracious and patient with myself. It is His love, not my belief in Him or lack there-of, that has carried me. It doesn't depend on us; it depends on Him.

And thankfully, He is faithful.

He is faithful to His promises, to His promise to not make us walk alone. And that truth gives us all a great hope.

Thank you for your love.

And Go USA.

Grace

Costa Rica Timeline

Hey everyone!

Here is my goal timeline for Costa Rica, as sent to me by my fundraising coach and approved by the International Staff in Costa Rica:

Here’s how I’d suggest you plan to move forward:

·         June 1^st – Reach 50%
·         July 1^{st -} - Reach 70%
·         Aug. 1^st – Reach 90% and Start the Pre-Release Phase of your Sending
·         Aug. 31^st – Have reached 100% and be hired by YL (This will allows your health benefits to kick in by Sept. 1^st)
·         Sept. 15^th – Be Sent/Received in Costa Rica

Currently, it's June 5th and I am 48% funded, so I have about 4 weeks to increase by 22%. Please, please join me in praying for provision as I do everything in my power to reach this goal, and leave the rest to the Lord.

All my love and blessings,
Grace