"Courage means telling the story of who you are with your whole heart."
Vulnerability is incredibly powerful. As Brene Brown tells us, it is the source of real, deep, authentic human connection and relationship. Therefore, we can say that it is also the source of joy and belonging and love and growth. But vulnerability is also incredibly uncomfortable. Vulnerability means admitting we are not perfect; it means taking risks when there's no guarantee; it means owning up to failure; it means being gracious with ourselves; it means accepting that life is messy and hard, that sometimes we feel like we are drowning, that sometimes we simply can't do it all even though we desperately want to prove to the world that we can.
I went on a women's retreat not too long ago to a beautiful hotel about 45 minutes away from the city. There were about 30 of us staying together, enjoying the magnificent gardens, the pool, the quiet, the no-kids-allowed, the gym (HA yeah, right). I spent hours roaming through the gardens, running the trails, smelling the flowers, listening to the birds, reading in the sunshine. It was a weekend of much-needed rest, of much-needed outside-time, but, most importantly, of much-needed connection. I had only met a few of the women before the retreat, and, as an introvert, I was honestly anticipating a whole lot of exhausting "mingling." (We introverts really dread that mingling). But, as we all listened and learned together, as we talked about our stories, our heartache and our struggles, I began to feel a belonging that I didn't expect. The more that the other women were vulnerable with me, the more I was able to open up to them about my own struggles, and I even discovered aspects of myself that I hadn't realized before: deep, hidden shame and numbness that I've worked hard to strangle and suppress over the years. These women, by telling me their stories and sharing their burdens, helped me to realize the way that I've been handling my own pain. After Merideth passed, something hurt and angry within me, something deeper than my own consciousness, chose to numb the pain and the fear and the loss. And this numbing, this avoiding of all things painful, also made me numb to all things good; it numbed me to deep, beautiful joy, to love, to lightness and laughter and peace, as well as to human connection. It isolated me, and it emptied me. And it took other people to help me chisel away at it. It took vulnerability, both theirs and mine, to relieve and release me. It wasn't pretty. And it certainly wasn't comfortable. But, my goodness, it was good. It made me confront a lot of hurt, a lot of pain and fear that I've tried to avoid, but it also relieved me of carrying my burdens alone.
When we let other people see us, and not just the version of us that we want them to see, but the real, authentic, messy, crazy us that we are, it draws people in. Why? Because they're messy and crazy and drowning, too! And by letting them see that we aren't perfect, it allows them to let down their guard and their walls and be real and authentic and messy with us. And that's connection; that's true, deep relationship, one in which we can share deep fears and deep loss and deep hurt, but also share profound joy and authentic love. When I look closely at my life, I see that the greatest relationships I have are the ones in which I don't have to pretend to have it all together. Is anyone ever drawn to "perfect" people? Seeing someone who "has everything together" (if there even is such a person?) sparks envy and unrelateability, not intimacy and confidence. To have the relationships that we so desire, that we were created for, we must be willing to let down our walls, to let others see into our real lives, to see us when we binge-watch Scandal and eat cookies for breakfast, to see us when we're going through a breakup, to see us when we get a bad haircut or can't pay our bills or can't make our hair into the perfect mesy bun or can't please everybody around us.
Isn't this what we all really long for? True connection with people who see us and love us fully, mess included? If it is, then we really must "let ourselves be seen. {We must} love with our whole hearts, even when there's no guarantee, to practice joy and gratitude, and to believe that we are enough," because (and I'm adding this), our Savior made us enough, and that's how He loves us.
"To feel vulnerable is to be ALIVE."
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