Geography of Grace
Thursday, December 4, 2014
Thursday, November 27, 2014
strength of heart: a prayer of thanksgiving.
Feliz Dia de Accion de Gracias from Costa Rica!
"gratitude is not a passive act; gratitude is a battle. so be strong. be brave. and fight."
thanksgiving.
so many joyful words and pictures i see. filling up my inbox, stretching across the internet, making my heart smile. pictures of families and friends gathered together. beautifully adorned tables. joyful faces. grandma's delicious apple pie. a million messages, full of sweet words of gratitude and love. thanksgiving. a day of giving thanks. what a beautiful picture, a whole day devoted to "thank yous" and "I love yous." a whole day of forgetting what we lack, of suppressing our prideful tendencies that rule the major part of our lives, of letting go of our material desires and supposed entitlements, and of taking a good look at the beauty and love that surrounds us.
one whole day for our hearts and minds to fill up and cry out in thankfulness.
one day.
one whole day.
but I must pin point, air out, verbalize the obvious question: what about the other 364?
so many joyful words and pictures i see. filling up my inbox, stretching across the internet, making my heart smile. pictures of families and friends gathered together. beautifully adorned tables. joyful faces. grandma's delicious apple pie. a million messages, full of sweet words of gratitude and love. thanksgiving. a day of giving thanks. what a beautiful picture, a whole day devoted to "thank yous" and "I love yous." a whole day of forgetting what we lack, of suppressing our prideful tendencies that rule the major part of our lives, of letting go of our material desires and supposed entitlements, and of taking a good look at the beauty and love that surrounds us.
one whole day for our hearts and minds to fill up and cry out in thankfulness.
one day.
one whole day.
but I must pin point, air out, verbalize the obvious question: what about the other 364?
"be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and
admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and
spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever
you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus,
giving thanks to God the Father through him." -Colossians 3:15-20
it doesn't say to thank the Lord for his gifts and provision on the last thursday of november.
it doesn't tell us that words of praise and gratitude should only leave our lips on one day out of the year.
it tells us that our faith, our very relationship and intimacy with Christ, depends on thanksgiving, depends on expressing our thankfulness to God in everything. every day.
but if you're anything like me, on those 364 other days of the year, it's absurdly easy to focus on all of the things that you don't have. I often find myself bombarded with thoughts of self-pity, of lofty wishes, of realizations of all that I lack, of all of the things that I miss, of all that I wish could be different.
when I first arrived in Costa Rica, I had this crazy little idea that doing ministry in a foreign country would automatically create a certain intimacy with jesus that I´ve desperately been craving; in my mind, it was really just a given. it couldn´t possibly be difficult to walk closely with the lord in gratitude while doing Young Life in Latin America, right? after all, I´d be in an uncomfortable place where reliance on God would be easy, and on top of that, I'd be doing ministry. ministry, of all things. so, obviously, it would be impossible not to lift up gratitude. impossible not to live in prayer. impossible not to grow. impossible not to spend time with jesus. I figured that He would just be built into my daily life, without any work on my part. simple. convenient. no problem.
that thought probably lasted about a week.
if there´s one thing that I have discovered during my time here, it´s that having gratitude and faith is a battle. it´s a battle of time, a battle of discipline, a battle of souls.
it's a choice.
I´ll be honest, when I come home from school most afternoons, exhausted both mentally and physically, the last thing I want to do is reach into my heart and pull out a piece of thankfulness to surrender to God, to praise him for all the blessings He has bestowed upon me. when I'm tired and frustrated and homesick, the last thing I want to do is open my Bible and journal and process the thoughts and feelings sprinting through my mind and weighing down my heart. that's where Netflix comes in. that's when novels become so tempting. that's when I just want to stop thinking, to stop feeling, to escape into a different time and place, to jump into someone else's life and to experience their various thoughts and feelings while ignoring my own.
like I said, it's a battle. it's a battle for me every single day.
but Paul tells the believers in Colassians to "be thankful." it is not a request, it is not a suggestion. Paul did not write a self-help book; he does not say that being thankful in everything will help us live happier lives. he does not say that it will make us rich or make God love us more. instead, he tells us to be thankful simply because God created us to be thankful, because God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him. it is our privilege, our honor, our responsibility to express gratitude. gratitude itself is the way into deep relationship, into profound intimacy, with Jesus.
of course, expressing gratitude is not always simple.
and faith is not an always an easy thing to live by.
it is a battle.
it requires strength of heart.
relationship, gratitude, do not come without effort. we must fight laziness, pride, selfish tendencies. we must fight the lies and voices of the world that tell us that we don't have enough, that we are missing out, that we are lacking. we must look to the lord to fight and break the chains that enslave us to comparison. we must let the word of Christ dwell in us richly, and fight to give thanks.
because I don't know about you, but I have a whole lot to be thankful for.
if there´s one thing that I have discovered during my time here, it´s that having gratitude and faith is a battle. it´s a battle of time, a battle of discipline, a battle of souls.
it's a choice.
I´ll be honest, when I come home from school most afternoons, exhausted both mentally and physically, the last thing I want to do is reach into my heart and pull out a piece of thankfulness to surrender to God, to praise him for all the blessings He has bestowed upon me. when I'm tired and frustrated and homesick, the last thing I want to do is open my Bible and journal and process the thoughts and feelings sprinting through my mind and weighing down my heart. that's where Netflix comes in. that's when novels become so tempting. that's when I just want to stop thinking, to stop feeling, to escape into a different time and place, to jump into someone else's life and to experience their various thoughts and feelings while ignoring my own.
like I said, it's a battle. it's a battle for me every single day.
but Paul tells the believers in Colassians to "be thankful." it is not a request, it is not a suggestion. Paul did not write a self-help book; he does not say that being thankful in everything will help us live happier lives. he does not say that it will make us rich or make God love us more. instead, he tells us to be thankful simply because God created us to be thankful, because God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him. it is our privilege, our honor, our responsibility to express gratitude. gratitude itself is the way into deep relationship, into profound intimacy, with Jesus.
of course, expressing gratitude is not always simple.
and faith is not an always an easy thing to live by.
it is a battle.
it requires strength of heart.
relationship, gratitude, do not come without effort. we must fight laziness, pride, selfish tendencies. we must fight the lies and voices of the world that tell us that we don't have enough, that we are missing out, that we are lacking. we must look to the lord to fight and break the chains that enslave us to comparison. we must let the word of Christ dwell in us richly, and fight to give thanks.
because I don't know about you, but I have a whole lot to be thankful for.
Praise and Thanksgiving
O my God,
The fairest, greatest, first of all objects,
my heart admires, adores, loves You,
for my little vessel is as full as it can be,
and I would pour out all that fullness before You in ceaseless flow.
When I think upon and converse with You
ten thousand delightful thoughts spring up,
ten thousand sources of pleasure are unsealed,
ten thousand refreshing joys spread over my heart,
crowding into every moment of happiness.
I bless You for the soul You have created,
for adorning it, sanctifying it, though it is fixed in barren soil;
for the body You have given me,
for preserving its strength and vigour,
for providing sense to enjoy delights,
for the ease and freedom of my limbs,
for hands, eyes, ears that do thy bidding;
for thy royal bounty providing my daily support,
for a full table and overflowing cup,
for appetite, taste, sweetness,
for social joys of relatives and friends,
for ability to serve others,
for a heart that feels sorrow and necessities,
for a mind to care for my fellow-men,
for opportunities of spreading happiness around,
for loved ones in the joys of heaven,
for my own expectation of seeing You clearly.
I love You above the powers of language to express,
for what You are to your creatures.
Increase my love, O my God, through time and eternity.
--Valley of Vision
O my God,
The fairest, greatest, first of all objects,
my heart admires, adores, loves You,
for my little vessel is as full as it can be,
and I would pour out all that fullness before You in ceaseless flow.
When I think upon and converse with You
ten thousand delightful thoughts spring up,
ten thousand sources of pleasure are unsealed,
ten thousand refreshing joys spread over my heart,
crowding into every moment of happiness.
I bless You for the soul You have created,
for adorning it, sanctifying it, though it is fixed in barren soil;
for the body You have given me,
for preserving its strength and vigour,
for providing sense to enjoy delights,
for the ease and freedom of my limbs,
for hands, eyes, ears that do thy bidding;
for thy royal bounty providing my daily support,
for a full table and overflowing cup,
for appetite, taste, sweetness,
for social joys of relatives and friends,
for ability to serve others,
for a heart that feels sorrow and necessities,
for a mind to care for my fellow-men,
for opportunities of spreading happiness around,
for loved ones in the joys of heaven,
for my own expectation of seeing You clearly.
I love You above the powers of language to express,
for what You are to your creatures.
Increase my love, O my God, through time and eternity.
--Valley of Vision
Monday, November 24, 2014
Wyld Life Camp Costa Rica 2k14!
We had an awesome weekend of crazy games, beautiful sunshine, fresh mountain air, sweet friendships, good conversations, and hearing about an amazing God who loves us so much.
Check it out!
http://vimeo.com/112693366
Check it out!
http://vimeo.com/112693366
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
gethsemane.
grief.
such a small word. 5 tiny letters. 5 sounds, all arbitrarily strung together. simple. utterly ordinary.
but, boy, does this little word carry a lot of weight.
I used to think of "grief" as a purely technical term, a word that doctors and psychologists used because it sounded more intelligent than using the word "sad." but, oh, it means so much more than that, doesn't it? it's much more than that dry, linear process that we are all supposed to go through when we experience a great loss or traumatic event. it's heavy. and it's everywhere. it catches us off guard. it grabs us when we least expect it. and sometimes we even find ourselves turning to it, holding onto it for dear life, like an old friend to whom we simply can't let go.
A wise friend of mine recently asked me a crazy little question: "what are you grieving in your life right now?"
I sat in confusion, pondering this question. "what do you mean, what am I grieving?"
and he responded with a simple phrase that I haven't been able to get out of my mind ever since: we are ALL grieving something.
friends, the life of LOVE, especially the life of loving Christ, is often a life of grief.
now, don't get me wrong. the bible tells us that life with Christ is a life of immeasurable joy. of uncontainable hope. of peace.
and it is. but Christ calls us to love people...not to "like," not to "be nice to," but to love. and love is hard. love can bring great joy. it can also bring great grief.
so, in response to his question, I started thinking about all the things in my life that I am grieving, all the love that I have (and let me tell you, there is a lot, and I'm so grateful) and all that I now miss. being far from my parents and brother and sister-in-law. i miss being a kid, with no worries or fears. living far away from dear friends. hugging Merideth. eating dinner with my family at the house that I've always called home. not being in athens for dad's birthday. missing thanksgiving in the mountains with my family. leaves changing. snuggling with my dogs. speaking english. real cheese (that's a pretty big one).
whoa.
don't misunderstand me, I am beyond thankful for my life, and I wouldn't want it to look any different. but I also had no idea that I was grieving so many people, so many things. there's often a lot going on in our hearts than we don't realize if we don't intentionally dig into it and pull those things to the surface.
so my question is, what do we do with all of this grief? what do we do when we've pulled it from the deepest parts of our hearts and aired it out? what do we do when we pinpoint it, recognize it, write it down? do we ignore it? wrap it in a pretty package so no one will see the true struggles of our souls? run from it? run toward it?
truthfully, I don't really know. I'm still figuring out what to do with it...and that doubt takes me straight to jesus.
the thing is, grief is inevitable if we're living a life of love. just look at jesus in the garden. gethsemane. a Hebrew word that means "oil press." it's name signifies incredible pressure, the pressure applied to fresh olives to squeeze them for their oil. they are squeezed by an incredible weight, a weight that our human bodies could not endure nor even fathom. and all of that weight, the weight of the world, fell on jesus. under that pressure, jesus "fell with his face on the ground." he begged to be spared. his brow glistened red with sweat and blood. he cried out.
jesus felt both a love and a grief that we will never know, that we will never have to know. because of his great love for me, for you, for all of us, his heart broke a million times over. the sin of the world was upon him. and he fell to the ground under the pressure, under the tremendous grief. and this grief was not caused by the thought of death, but rather by love. by the love of the father for us.
what does this show us? that grief is okay. it's a normal part of life. we can expect it. why? because jesus himself was no stranger to grief.
and his response to that grief was to take it to the father. to hand it over. cry. pray. fall down. beg. plea. scream. sweat. clench fists. and surrender.
so what do we do with our grief after we finally recognize it? what do we do with the hurt and the pain that love and discomfort often bring? we do what jesus did. we live it out. and we surrender it. every day, and every moment of every day, trusting that he is loving us in and through it all. and by his love, and his alone, we are changed.
"Draw near to me, my child, and I will draw near to you, as well."
such a small word. 5 tiny letters. 5 sounds, all arbitrarily strung together. simple. utterly ordinary.
but, boy, does this little word carry a lot of weight.
I used to think of "grief" as a purely technical term, a word that doctors and psychologists used because it sounded more intelligent than using the word "sad." but, oh, it means so much more than that, doesn't it? it's much more than that dry, linear process that we are all supposed to go through when we experience a great loss or traumatic event. it's heavy. and it's everywhere. it catches us off guard. it grabs us when we least expect it. and sometimes we even find ourselves turning to it, holding onto it for dear life, like an old friend to whom we simply can't let go.
A wise friend of mine recently asked me a crazy little question: "what are you grieving in your life right now?"
I sat in confusion, pondering this question. "what do you mean, what am I grieving?"
and he responded with a simple phrase that I haven't been able to get out of my mind ever since: we are ALL grieving something.
friends, the life of LOVE, especially the life of loving Christ, is often a life of grief.
now, don't get me wrong. the bible tells us that life with Christ is a life of immeasurable joy. of uncontainable hope. of peace.
and it is. but Christ calls us to love people...not to "like," not to "be nice to," but to love. and love is hard. love can bring great joy. it can also bring great grief.
so, in response to his question, I started thinking about all the things in my life that I am grieving, all the love that I have (and let me tell you, there is a lot, and I'm so grateful) and all that I now miss. being far from my parents and brother and sister-in-law. i miss being a kid, with no worries or fears. living far away from dear friends. hugging Merideth. eating dinner with my family at the house that I've always called home. not being in athens for dad's birthday. missing thanksgiving in the mountains with my family. leaves changing. snuggling with my dogs. speaking english. real cheese (that's a pretty big one).
whoa.
don't misunderstand me, I am beyond thankful for my life, and I wouldn't want it to look any different. but I also had no idea that I was grieving so many people, so many things. there's often a lot going on in our hearts than we don't realize if we don't intentionally dig into it and pull those things to the surface.
so my question is, what do we do with all of this grief? what do we do when we've pulled it from the deepest parts of our hearts and aired it out? what do we do when we pinpoint it, recognize it, write it down? do we ignore it? wrap it in a pretty package so no one will see the true struggles of our souls? run from it? run toward it?
truthfully, I don't really know. I'm still figuring out what to do with it...and that doubt takes me straight to jesus.
the thing is, grief is inevitable if we're living a life of love. just look at jesus in the garden. gethsemane. a Hebrew word that means "oil press." it's name signifies incredible pressure, the pressure applied to fresh olives to squeeze them for their oil. they are squeezed by an incredible weight, a weight that our human bodies could not endure nor even fathom. and all of that weight, the weight of the world, fell on jesus. under that pressure, jesus "fell with his face on the ground." he begged to be spared. his brow glistened red with sweat and blood. he cried out.
jesus felt both a love and a grief that we will never know, that we will never have to know. because of his great love for me, for you, for all of us, his heart broke a million times over. the sin of the world was upon him. and he fell to the ground under the pressure, under the tremendous grief. and this grief was not caused by the thought of death, but rather by love. by the love of the father for us.
what does this show us? that grief is okay. it's a normal part of life. we can expect it. why? because jesus himself was no stranger to grief.
and his response to that grief was to take it to the father. to hand it over. cry. pray. fall down. beg. plea. scream. sweat. clench fists. and surrender.
so what do we do with our grief after we finally recognize it? what do we do with the hurt and the pain that love and discomfort often bring? we do what jesus did. we live it out. and we surrender it. every day, and every moment of every day, trusting that he is loving us in and through it all. and by his love, and his alone, we are changed.
"Draw near to me, my child, and I will draw near to you, as well."
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
24.
And, quite honestly, I'm not completely sure how it happened.
The image that comes to mind when I reflect upon this past month is a giant, overpacked suitcase (a fairly familiar sight in my life..). And as I look back on October and try to unpack it all, I'm amazed at how many things I managed to stuff in there, and I don't have the slightest idea how I was able to zip it all up. It's like that moment when Mary Poppins pulls a coat rack out of her carpet bag, and you just can´t help but laugh because it doesn´t make any sense how it fit in there in the first place...
However, I am going to try to unpack it in the most coherent way possible. So, in honor of my 24th birthday on November 2nd (I know, I'm getting old!), I am going to give you a list of my 24 favorite things about this past month....
Here we go!
1. We had two AWESOME WyldLife Clubs: the first was a "beach party," in which we played crazy "beachy" games, like crab soccer and beach volleyball, and I got do my FIRST EVER talk in Costa Rica about Jesus's first miracle of turning water into wine.
2. The second club was called "INCOGNITO." We went to the local mall and had some friends dress up in whacky ways and hide in different places within the mall. The middle school kids then had to run around and try to find them, and afterwards, my friend and team leader, Jessie, talked about how we never need to hide from Jesus.
3. Pumpkin Spice Lattes. We may not experience fall in Costa Rica, but we can still pretend it's chilly outside by drinking sweet fall treats!
5. It can be hard to find a good bacon cheeseburger in Costa Rica...that's what Gringa nights at Chili's are for! (Yes, we have Chili's here, and the burgers are just as delicious as in the States...but twice as expensive.)
6. Michigan. I got to travel North for a Young Life International Schools Conference and spend some sweet time with some of my favorite people from Nicaragua, Dominican Republic, and, of course, Costa Rica.
7. Fall leaves in MI.
8. Apple picking, apple cider, and pumpkin patches.
9. Spending time with this chica. My sweet friend Ella who I met 3 summers ago while interning in the Dominican Republic. It was the summer that changed both of our lives, and afterward, we both independently decided to go on Young Life Staff in Latin America, she in Nicaragua, and me in Costa Rica. Words can't describe how much she has impacted my life with her joy, wisdom, and wonderful friendship.
9. Bonfires, smores, and laughter in the cold weather.
10. Time in prayer and reflection in front of a beautiful fireplace. (And we got to sit on the floor because there was CARPET! It's almost silly the little things that I miss!)
11. The Costa Rica Young Life team dominated the Corn Maze.
12. Acting like a little kid by bouncing on a giant "jumping pillow."
13. Kettle Korn! While I was in Michigan, Dad sent me the best Kettle Korn in the world from the Watkinsville Fall Festival (which I haven't missed since 6th grade...).
14. Chick-Fil-A in the airport. Enough said.
15. This lady. My pretty Mama came to visit me for my birthday!!!
16. Beach trips. My mom and I went to Manuel Antonio for a beautiful weekend.
17. Animales. While at the beach, we walked around the Manuel Antonio National Park and saw howler monkeys, sloths, iguanas, toucans, and lots of little monkeys and raccoons that tried to steal our bags.
18. Parasailing for my birthday!
19. Delicious birthday dinner (and cheesecake of course) at a beautiful cafe overlooking the rainforest and the coast.
20. Birthday rainbow at the beach.
21. A birthday cake made by my sweet Mama Tica.
22. Lying in bed watching Criminal Minds with my mom and my dogs! I've missed this so much.
23. Dinners with the Costa Rica Young Life Team.
24. Spending time with my Tica Family.
23, you were sweet.
24....bring it on.
Sunday, November 2, 2014
"Wanna go parasailing for your birthday?" Who could say no to that?
via Instagram http://ift.tt/1rPtATi
Sunday, October 5, 2014
A Letter to the North American Church.
A LETTER FOR ALL OF US TO READ: A Letter to the North American Church by Ann Voskamp
This past week, I feel as though I have been ambushed by my desperate need for holiness, for transformation.
Over this past month, I have been continually bombarded by my deep-seeded selfishness, by my incredible desire to live a life of comfort and ease that I never recognized before. What's truly scary is that it is so easy to keep this desire hidden, to bury it deep within myself and wrap it in pretty wrapping so it can't been seen from within or from without. But it's as if the moment I moved here to Costa Rica, my cracks suddenly became canyons, and my buried desires floated to the surface and made themselves impossible to ignore.
And, funnily enough, it was something exceedingly simple and "normal" that initially brought this tightly-held selfishness to my attention: the mundane, yet terribly frustrating, process of finding a car. Car shopping here is a long process, and it probably doesn't help that I know nothing (zip, zero, nada) about cars and have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. But just to paint you a little picture: I currently live on the East Side of San Jose in a neighborhood called San Francisco de Dos Rios, and I'm living on this side of town because it's right next to the language school (Instituto de Lengua Espanola) that I attend each day. BUT, once I finish language school in December, I will move to the West Side of town for Young Life Staff...but that means that until then, I have to either coordinate with my team leader to ride in her car to the other side of town (for club, for church, for activities, for team meetings, etc), or I have to take a bus. Not a big deal right? But here's another picture: it takes anywhere between 1 and 2 hours to get to the other side of town by bus (it actually took me 2 1/2 hours once...), depending on traffic, time of day, how long it takes to walk between bus stops, etc. Again, not a huge deal...but here's the kicker: in a car, it takes about 25-35 minutes. Yes. You read that correctly. With a car, I could potentially cut off 2 hours of travel time...
So, naturally, in my American mindset, I immediately decided to resolve the problem. I'll just get a car. So, right when I got here, I dove into car shopping; I started looking online, sending links to some wonderful people who work with Young Life who are helping to guide me, and calling people to set up appointments to look at different cars. And last week, I finally found one that I thought was the ONE! It was the perfect size, in my budget, and it was right around the corner from my house, just waiting for me to buy it. All I had to do was take a mechanic to look at the car so he could give me the green light to buy it.
Only, he didn't give me the green light.
I saw the car. It was beautiful. I wanted it. I was ready to hand over how ever much it cost right then and there.
The problem was, according to the mechanic, it didn't have air conditioning. Ok I can live without that, right? It's not like it's hot here near the equator or anything. Or air bags. Ok, I'll get that fixed. It needed all new tires. All? And it's been in a few wrecks, so the back and front bumpers need to be replaced. That sounds expensive. The ignition's broken. Ok, that's probably bad.
In other words, I need to look for another car.
And in that moment, all of the frustration of the past month of riding the bus, of looking for a car, of not being able to get places on time or go where I want to go when I want to go there, it all hit me at once. Tears of frustration filled my eyes without permission, and I just had to let it all out. Why is this so hard?
And, more importantly, WHY does this upset me so much?
That was the key question. Why DOES it upset me so much? Why do I want to have a car so desperately? Why do I feel that I need a car right now when a major part of the population here spends their whole lives without one?
Turns out I had some digging to do, digging within myself. What do I value so much that makes me so upset and frustrated to not have a car? Is it really because I need one for my ministry? I will eventually, but right now I don't. Is it because it would help others if I had a car? It would lighten the load of others, but that's not the real reason. Then why?
Because it would be easier.
It would make my life easier to have a car. I would be more comfortable. I would be more efficient. My time would not be as wasted. I could complete each task to the best of my ability in the shortest amount of time. Because I want things to go quickly. I want to be on time. I want to be able to go where I want in the moment I want to go there. I want life to be easier.
After reading this letter to the North American Church this morning, I was incredibly convicted and convinced of my worship of comfort, for I suddenly realized all of the things that my heart values that I never outwardly recognized: comfort. ease. efficiency. It's easy to hide and disguise these comforts when I have them. But when they are stripped from me, I'm forced to recognize how much I value them, how much I want them, how much I feel like I need them.
But do I need them? Is this the life we are called to? A life of ease? A life of comfort? A life of peace?
Jesus doesn't call us to a comfortable life. He calls us to a radical one. One in which we love others recklessly. Trust Him ruthlessly. Surrender ourselves relentlessly. He calls us to grow. To change. To be challenged and pulled and stretched and transformed in His image. He calls us to recognize our limitations and weaknesses so we can rely on His power, on His faithfulness, on His sufficiency. This life is not about my peace, my pleasure, or my prosperity; it's about pursuing the will of God. And His will is that His people would come to know Him, that they would know how loved, adored, and treasured they are. His will is that we care for the orphans, the widows, the poor. His will is that those who suffer are comforted, that those who are sick may be healed, that those who don't know Him will be adopted as sons.
This life is not about us, what we do or what we have. This life is about Him. His kingdom. His joy. His love that brings unimaginable hope. His grace that transforms hearts.
And guess what?
He invites us to be a part of that. We don't have to give. We don't have to care. We don't have to have compassion. Or to carry each others burdens. Or to love our neighbors. Or to become holy.
We get to.
So, my friends, let's join in.
Let's live fully. Let's live richly. Let's live radically.
All my love,
Grace
This past week, I feel as though I have been ambushed by my desperate need for holiness, for transformation.Over this past month, I have been continually bombarded by my deep-seeded selfishness, by my incredible desire to live a life of comfort and ease that I never recognized before. What's truly scary is that it is so easy to keep this desire hidden, to bury it deep within myself and wrap it in pretty wrapping so it can't been seen from within or from without. But it's as if the moment I moved here to Costa Rica, my cracks suddenly became canyons, and my buried desires floated to the surface and made themselves impossible to ignore.
And, funnily enough, it was something exceedingly simple and "normal" that initially brought this tightly-held selfishness to my attention: the mundane, yet terribly frustrating, process of finding a car. Car shopping here is a long process, and it probably doesn't help that I know nothing (zip, zero, nada) about cars and have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. But just to paint you a little picture: I currently live on the East Side of San Jose in a neighborhood called San Francisco de Dos Rios, and I'm living on this side of town because it's right next to the language school (Instituto de Lengua Espanola) that I attend each day. BUT, once I finish language school in December, I will move to the West Side of town for Young Life Staff...but that means that until then, I have to either coordinate with my team leader to ride in her car to the other side of town (for club, for church, for activities, for team meetings, etc), or I have to take a bus. Not a big deal right? But here's another picture: it takes anywhere between 1 and 2 hours to get to the other side of town by bus (it actually took me 2 1/2 hours once...), depending on traffic, time of day, how long it takes to walk between bus stops, etc. Again, not a huge deal...but here's the kicker: in a car, it takes about 25-35 minutes. Yes. You read that correctly. With a car, I could potentially cut off 2 hours of travel time...
So, naturally, in my American mindset, I immediately decided to resolve the problem. I'll just get a car. So, right when I got here, I dove into car shopping; I started looking online, sending links to some wonderful people who work with Young Life who are helping to guide me, and calling people to set up appointments to look at different cars. And last week, I finally found one that I thought was the ONE! It was the perfect size, in my budget, and it was right around the corner from my house, just waiting for me to buy it. All I had to do was take a mechanic to look at the car so he could give me the green light to buy it.
Only, he didn't give me the green light.
I saw the car. It was beautiful. I wanted it. I was ready to hand over how ever much it cost right then and there.
The problem was, according to the mechanic, it didn't have air conditioning. Ok I can live without that, right? It's not like it's hot here near the equator or anything. Or air bags. Ok, I'll get that fixed. It needed all new tires. All? And it's been in a few wrecks, so the back and front bumpers need to be replaced. That sounds expensive. The ignition's broken. Ok, that's probably bad.
In other words, I need to look for another car.
And in that moment, all of the frustration of the past month of riding the bus, of looking for a car, of not being able to get places on time or go where I want to go when I want to go there, it all hit me at once. Tears of frustration filled my eyes without permission, and I just had to let it all out. Why is this so hard?
And, more importantly, WHY does this upset me so much?
That was the key question. Why DOES it upset me so much? Why do I want to have a car so desperately? Why do I feel that I need a car right now when a major part of the population here spends their whole lives without one?
Turns out I had some digging to do, digging within myself. What do I value so much that makes me so upset and frustrated to not have a car? Is it really because I need one for my ministry? I will eventually, but right now I don't. Is it because it would help others if I had a car? It would lighten the load of others, but that's not the real reason. Then why?
Because it would be easier.
It would make my life easier to have a car. I would be more comfortable. I would be more efficient. My time would not be as wasted. I could complete each task to the best of my ability in the shortest amount of time. Because I want things to go quickly. I want to be on time. I want to be able to go where I want in the moment I want to go there. I want life to be easier.
After reading this letter to the North American Church this morning, I was incredibly convicted and convinced of my worship of comfort, for I suddenly realized all of the things that my heart values that I never outwardly recognized: comfort. ease. efficiency. It's easy to hide and disguise these comforts when I have them. But when they are stripped from me, I'm forced to recognize how much I value them, how much I want them, how much I feel like I need them.
But do I need them? Is this the life we are called to? A life of ease? A life of comfort? A life of peace?
Jesus doesn't call us to a comfortable life. He calls us to a radical one. One in which we love others recklessly. Trust Him ruthlessly. Surrender ourselves relentlessly. He calls us to grow. To change. To be challenged and pulled and stretched and transformed in His image. He calls us to recognize our limitations and weaknesses so we can rely on His power, on His faithfulness, on His sufficiency. This life is not about my peace, my pleasure, or my prosperity; it's about pursuing the will of God. And His will is that His people would come to know Him, that they would know how loved, adored, and treasured they are. His will is that we care for the orphans, the widows, the poor. His will is that those who suffer are comforted, that those who are sick may be healed, that those who don't know Him will be adopted as sons.
This life is not about us, what we do or what we have. This life is about Him. His kingdom. His joy. His love that brings unimaginable hope. His grace that transforms hearts.
And guess what?
He invites us to be a part of that. We don't have to give. We don't have to care. We don't have to have compassion. Or to carry each others burdens. Or to love our neighbors. Or to become holy.
We get to.
So, my friends, let's join in.
Let's live fully. Let's live richly. Let's live radically.
All my love,
Grace
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